I carry their stories with me, but their blueprints don’t offer much insight about being a black gay man in his 40s, 50s, or 60s. Most of the black gay men I admired died long before they reached the age I am now. Looking for role models beyond my generation is also a difficult exercise. Since so many of the black gay men I entered the movement with are no longer connected, I have recently felt a bit isolated. I suppose the more accurate description is that my activism has been my work, comprised not of a linear progression punctuated by milestones and promotions, but by projects and campaigns. I find myself in a singular place, the position of being a black gay activist at mid-career - if one can view “black gay activism” as a career. Now, as I approach my late 30s, I can appreciate the uniqueness of my path and experience, but also grieve the absence of those I once looked to as comrades and coconspirators.
It’s strange to think about, but when I was younger there were many more models I could define myself against.
